Published on 12/10/2004

Today's Friday question comes from two readers, both of whom responded on the same day to the recent series on forgiveness. One says, "I have had several discussions on forgiveness with another believer, and he says we don't have to forgive someone unless they ask us for forgiveness. He is referring to God asking us to repent of our sins in order to be forgiven by him. I told him that I thought we should forgive regardless of whether they ask for it or not. Which one of us does scripture agree with?"

Commentary

The second question is similar: "Can a sin be forgiven if the sinner is unrepentant? I would think that repentance precedes forgiveness. I need guidance on this point."

The readers ask a question of considerable theological depth. We know that God forgives every sin we confess to him (1 John 1:9), that he does not want anyone to perish but all to come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). And so it would seem clear that we must confess our sins in repentance before God can forgive them. Such a contrite heart does not earn God's forgiveness, but rather positions us to receive what God can give only by grace. He cannot give what we will not admit we need to accept. The first step in recovering from substance addiction is to admit the addiction. Not because the admission earns recovery, but because it allows it to begin.

However, this fact relative to our relationship with God does not seem to apply in the same way to our relationships with each other. Jesus tells us to forgive our sinful brother "seventy-seven times" (Matthew 18:21), with no requirement that he first admit his sin. Why? One reason is that we cannot expect others to confess sin of which they are unaware. Jesus prayed for his Father to forgive those who were crucifying him, even though they did not demonstrate confession or repentance (Luke 23:34). And he added, "for they do not know what they are doing." We are to go to those who sin against us (Matthew 18:15), in part so they know they did.

Others hurt us and know it, but refuse to repent. We are to forgive them anyway, for our sake as much as theirs. We do our part whether or not they do theirs. Then we can release the pain, stop the cycle of vengeance, and get on with the gift of life. They may respond to our decision to pardon, or they may not, but we are free.

The Child of Christmas came to bring his Father's grace to all his children. We who have been forgiven much can forgive much, by that grace. And it is more blessed to give than to receive (Acts 20:35), at Christmas and all year long.